Going back....

.....to school. I swear I will be in school for the rest of forever. If I hadn't dicked around when I was first in school and took more than just art classes, maybe just maybe I wouldn't be starting my 20th semester today........


blah.

And to....

To want and to have
and
To lust and to need
and
To grow and to feel
and
To ache and to know
and
To love.

The intensity at which I feel things
is sometimes maddening.

Season of The Boy.

I should try to write a little bit everyday. My mind is stuck on someone and I feel like that's all I want to write about. So please forgive me while I am in the season of The boy.

We have all been here.
Some linger longer than others
and some just flirt with desires
for but a moment.

I think I will linger.

LOVE.

Tonight was a lesson learned in hurt.
I can't say it, so you thought you would.
I can't make sense of it, I only know that I can't digest it.
I want to scream but of course I won't.
I am not built like you.
It's not that I don't want to say it.
It's that I am just not there yet.
How could you take that away from me?
Yet there you were,
stealing the most important words that I have to give.
And yes, that hurts.
More than you will ever know.
Nothing can just be mine.
So forgiveness will be what's left of me.
Because that's how I am built.

2009

I drift in and out of this filmy daydream.
I see how it was, how it used to be.
I collect my tears in a dusty old mason jar.
The salt water turns muddy as I swirl my finger in it.
I know now that I can dump this jar down the drain.
I rebandage the wounds my heart has been collecting over the last year.
They will go away with time if I allow the healing process to begin.


Today is a new day, I am lucid and directing my own dreams.