Una Elephante

Since my ma's stroke she has been singing me this song ' UNA ELEPHANTE ' and it makes me smile. Genuinely smile.

Mascara.

My tears trace unfamiliar patterns on my cheeks.

How could I possibly be so lost.

When did I stop breathing.

Stop feeling.

That's it. I'm done.

I have no rhythm anymore.

I give up.

Man, i'm angry.

But there's nowhere I can place any blame.

I'm looking. Still looking.

In the meantime, I still have this damn mascara running down my face.............

my fear

It is so dark but your door is cracked open to expose a dim light. That's not all it exposed. You right there laying on the floor looking so vulnerable, feverishly writing. Writing, what were you writing? I startled you when I asked if everything was ok. You said you just couldn't sleep but I knew better.


Not everything is as it seems.
Your mask is slipping down.
Exposing my deepest fears.

I mean seriously.....

This year. 2008. Is not following any plan. Not that I had one to begin with. It's amazing that I am still able to laugh. I mean seriously...... Let's start with my 4 1/2 year relationship. It ended in a very unhealthy manner, which I should have seen coming. But yet didn't. Then my childhood dog goes and dies right in my arms. Fast-forward a few months and my mother has a heart attack and stroke. Now here we are 2 months later and I end up breaking my foot and will be in a walking cast for the next 5 weeks or so. Oh and my fish passed on as well last week.


This is really not my year.

But here I am still laughing..........

Serenity.

Sitting out on the porch listening to the waves and eating my raisin bran cereal with soy milk has been the most wonderful peaceful thing that I have experianced in the last couple of weeks here in Maine. When everything around me seems so chaotic and I feel like I can't breathe anymore, this is just what I need......



......A moment of serenity.

Stuck............

I hear you.

I really do

But it doesn't change the fact

That I am stuck right where I am.

Do you ever........

...........feel like you drank so much that even your toes are drunk???


Tonight I saw the ghost of my ex-lover. I sat and talked with him but it just wasn't the same. I, being so different with the blink of an eye. It never can be the same. You aren't even a good replacement. I guess i'll always have peppermints and beer.